when i was little, i was small. no way, you’re thinking! yus, yus, et is true. when i was younger, i was… a kid (gasp!). i was not the same height as grown ups, thus i was subjected to what i call “leg vision”.
an example of leg vision:
look! i hear the door opening! who’s there? oh! it’s mom’s legs! hullo momma’s legs! it is lovely to see you and your shoes today! i missed you!
i am under the table! i am under the table because i am hiding in the kitchen from the crazy dog that lives in our house and smells like eggs! what are mom’s legs doing? oh! i smell chocolate! and i see her elbows at the counter! she is so tall—chocolate! chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate–
as you can see, my thoughts compared to the dogs thoughts…didn’t contrast too highly (the crazy dog. the one that smells like eggs.)
annnywayyyy, so, i suppose the point of said babblings is to illustrate that my experiences as a young child were related mostly to feet and legs (where es this going? i don’t know!). whenever i saw my mom making food, i witnessed more or less nothing but her feet on the floor, and the occasional sound of tasting and measuring. baking was like a secret, ancient art that could not be very well attained from my leg vision status D:
however, with the assistance of good old steroid-injected costco milk and steak, i grew! SO TALLL! not really, but tall enough to wash my hands at the sink without a stool! and that is when it happened!
i awoke to find a gnome, hovering over my bed, with a key. his face was hidden by his beard.
the hair cloaked gnome smiled at me, and assuredly spoke:
“I present you, with the key to the oven.”
he then dissapeared.
this dream was also synonymous with a stomach virus, but THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT!
after that! the world opened to me! NARNIA HAD BEEN DISCOVERED! A BAKING PARADISE! cookies were made every other day! i almost got salmonella poisoning! stomachs were pumped!
however, cookies could onleh hold my attention for so long!
and. i. began. to. hunger. for. more.
and that is why i am here. with my HUNGERRRR!
actually, i just wanted to play, too!
BE MY FRIEND